Emotional reactivity is one of the most costly habits in professional life. It derails meetings, damages relationships, and clouds decision-making. Worse, it’s often invisible to the person caught in it, until the damage is done. If you’ve ever walked away from an interaction thinking, Why did I say that?, Why did I let them get to me?, or Why can’t I stay calm when it matters?, this article is for you. It behoves leaders to work to reduce emotional reactivity, and ensure their decisions are not made in haste.
The Stoic philosophers of the ancient world believed that our emotional reactions were not dictated by events themselves, but by how we interpret those events. Epictetus, a former slave who became one of Stoicism’s most influential voices, put it plainly: “When someone provokes you, you are complicit in getting upset.”
It’s a confronting statement. But it’s also an invitation. It means that with the right mindset and practice, you can train yourself to respond deliberately, rather than react impulsively.
This post explores how to reduce emotional reactivity by blending Stoic principles with insights from psychology and behavioural science. Along the way, we’ll look at practical strategies for developing greater calm, control, and character, particularly when the pressure is on.
Understanding Emotional Reactivity
Emotional reactivity is our tendency to respond to stimuli, be it social or environmental, with heightened, automatic emotional responses. It’s not inherently bad. In fact, it’s part of what makes us human.
But in many high-stakes professional environments, unchecked emotional reactivity can lead to:
- Escalated conflict
- Poor leadership decisions
- Reputational damage
- Personal regret
What makes reactivity dangerous isn’t the emotion itself. It’s the lack of awareness and control.
When someone cuts us off mid-sentence or questions our competence, the impulse to defend, attack, or withdraw is immediate. That’s because our brain’s amygdala, the part responsible for detecting threats, kicks in before our more rational, reflective brain regions have a chance to weigh in (Goleman, 1996).
This is what psychologist Daniel Goleman popularised as the "amygdala hijack"; a neurological event where our reactive brain overrides our reasoning brain. The good news is that we can train ourselves to take back control.
The Stoic Perspective on Reactivity
The Stoics offered a powerful alternative to emotional impulsiveness. Their approach wasn't about suppressing emotion, but about mastering interpretation.
Epictetus taught that events themselves are neutral. It’s our judgments about them that cause distress. “It’s not things that disturb us, but our opinions about them,” he wrote in his Enchiridion (Epictetus, trans. 1995).
Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic emperor of Rome, practised this in his leadership. In his personal journal, Meditations, he wrote: “You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength” (Aurelius, trans. 2003).
This mental discipline didn’t make Stoics cold or indifferent. On the contrary, it freed them to act from principle, not provocation. When someone insulted them, they asked: “Is this within my control?” If not, they let it go. If yes, they focused on their own behaviour, not the insult.
This is the Stoic concept of the dichotomy of control, a mindset that can drastically reduce emotional reactivity. It encourages us to shift focus away from what others do, toward how we choose to respond.
Why Reactivity Persists in Professional Life
Modern workplaces are full of unspoken emotional triggers:
- A colleague who dismisses your idea in a meeting
- A client who rewrites your work without notice
- A team member who consistently misses deadlines
These situations feel personal. But they’re not always about you.
The real trap is what psychologists call projection, attributing our own emotional discomfort to someone else. We think, They made me angry, when in fact, we’re reacting to our own unmet expectations, insecurities, or stress (Baumeister et al., 1998).
There’s also confirmation bias at play: once we decide someone is disrespectful or unreliable, we interpret everything they do through that lens, fuelling further emotional reactivity (Nickerson, 1998).
The antidote is to learn how to observe our own patterns, create space between stimulus and response, and build new cognitive habits to reduce emotional reactivity.
The Power of the Pause: From Reaction to Response
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is the opportunity to choose.
This isn’t just poetic philosophy, but a neurological truth. When we pause, even for a few seconds, we give our prefrontal cortex time to re-engage and evaluate the situation (LeDoux, 1996). We move from reactive to reflective.
Micro-practices that expand this space:
- Name the emotion
Instead of “I’m furious,” say, “I notice I’m feeling angry.” This activates the rational brain and reduces intensity (Lieberman et al., 2007). - Breathe deeply
A 4-7-8 breathing technique (inhale 4 seconds, hold 7, exhale 8) can down-regulate your stress response (Ma et al., 2017). - Ask yourself
Is this worth my peace of mind? What part of this is mine to control?
The Stoics did this through regular journaling and self-examination. Marcus Aurelius reflected each night on his day. Where he lost his temper, where he kept his cool, and how he could improve tomorrow. This nightly review is an excellent modern practice for building what adult development theorists call self-authorship, the capacity to observe and guide your own thought processes (Kegan, 1994).
Practical Strategies to Reduce Emotional Reactivity
1. Practice Pre-rehearsal
The Stoics called this premeditatio malorum, imagining the worst that could happen so you’re prepared if it does. In today’s terms, this is mental rehearsal.
Before a difficult meeting, ask:
- What is likely to trigger me?
- How do I want to respond instead?
- What values do I want to act from?
Visualising a better response primes your brain to reduce emotional reactivity, and choose otherwise when the moment comes (Taylor & Pham, 1996).
2. Set an Internal Locus of Control
People with a strong internal locus of control believe that their success and well-being are shaped more by their own actions than by external forces. This mindset is linked to lower anxiety, better leadership, and (you guessed it) reduced emotional reactivity (Rotter, 1966).
Start noticing how often you blame external events for your mood or behaviour. Shift your language from:
- “He made me angry” to “I felt anger when he spoke like that”
- “They ruined the project” to “I wish I had addressed that earlier”
The more you take ownership of your internal state, the less power others have over it.
3. Reframe the Situation
Cognitive reappraisal, changing the way you interpret a situation, is one of the most effective emotion regulation strategies (Gross, 1998). It’s also deeply Stoic.
Instead of thinking “My boss disrespects me”, reframe it as:
- “Maybe she’s under pressure and not thinking clearly”
- “I’ll use this as an opportunity to clarify expectations”
Reframing doesn’t excuse bad behaviour. It simply keeps you in the driver’s seat, calm, clear, and more likely to influence the outcome.
4. Reflect on Character, Not Outcome
One of the most radical Stoic ideas is that character is the only true currency. Everything else, be it reputation, outcome, even success, lies outside your full control.
When you feel the urge to react defensively, ask yourself:
- Who do I want to be in this moment?
- What would a wise, composed leader do here?
Asking this question interrupts the ego and reconnects you with your values. It turns every conflict into a chance to practise who you want to become. To reduce emotional reactivity, you have to interrupt the chain that leads to it.
A Case Study in Response Over Reaction
One of the most powerful real-life examples of this comes from Admiral James Stockdale, a US Navy pilot who was held as a prisoner of war in Vietnam for over seven years. Stockdale, who studied Epictetus before the war, credits Stoic philosophy with helping him survive torture and solitary confinement.
He wrote: “I never lost faith in the end of the story…I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life.” (Stockdale & Stockdale, 1984)
This mindset, focusing on what he could control (his attitude, integrity, choices), helped him endure unimaginable hardship. It’s known today as the Stockdale Paradox — combining relentless realism with unshakable internal resolve.
Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
In a world of constant distraction, online outrage, and high-pressure workplaces, learning to reduce emotional reactivity isn’t a soft skill, it’s a survival skill.
Professionals who can respond rather than react:
- Earn more trust from peers
- Make clearer decisions under pressure
- Build cultures of psychological safety
- Feel more centred and grounded in their own lives
The path to this kind of character isn’t glamorous. It doesn’t involve hacks or shortcuts. But it is available to anyone willing to practise.
Final Reflection: Who Is Pulling Your Strings?
So, where are we now when it comes to the challenge to reduce emotional reactivity?
Imagine yourself as a marionette, and every provocation you encounter is someone tugging on a string. Do you dance automatically? Or do you cut the strings?
The Stoics believed that true freedom wasn’t about having power over others. Rather, it was about having power over yourself.
“No man is free who is not master of himself.” Epictetus
This week, notice when you feel yourself getting pulled. Pause. Breathe. Choose your response.
Then ask yourself: What kind of person am I becoming, one reaction at a time?
